Construction Through Destruction
“Just like everybody else, I also feel anger, despair and frustration. I just find a way to channelise it in a constructive way instead of expressing it.”
-M S Dhoni
M S Dhoni is one of the people I admire most in my life and it is not only because of his success as a cricketer but also because of his uncanny ability to stay in the present and use his negative emotions in a positive manner. In one of his interviews I watched recently, the host asked him if he did not ever feel anger, frustration or despair, given his “super-cool” aura. To this he replied that like everyone else he very much feels every negative emotion and being an Indian, who are driven by emotions, he feels them all the more. He added that the difference is just that he asks himself if any constructive way can be found by him in negative emotions. There is always a constructive way don’t we all know?
When I was a child, and in fact even when I became a teenager and some years even after that, every time something did not go my way, I would spend hours in despair, sometimes questioning everything that I was doing and began to feel as if I did not have any “X-factor” to keep me going. Years later into this world, especially during my undergraduate years, I changed this behaviour pattern, and I am glad that I did so. Now, in my life when some things don’t go my way, I pause and think to myself two things: 1. Is it necessary to give this situation as much weight as I am giving? 2. If yes, if this situation matters a lot to my life, can I use this moment of agony, anger or frustration in a constructive manner? I am glad to report that 10 out of 10 times, this works for me.
As humans, we are always feeling something or the other. People who write truck loads about how feelings “suck” (Pardon my French), how they have turned into completely pragmatic human beings and that they no longer feel anything much, are either really good liars or are yet to explore a lot about themselves. We are always feeling and it is involuntary. When this is the case, we ought to keep a track of every feeling of ours, especially negative ones. When we feel negative emotions, we must before expressing them ask ourselves if there is anyway we can use these feelings in a constructive way. As I mentioned before, 10 out of 10 times the answer would be yes.
Use your anger to know about everything that irks you and either stay away from it or find an alternative way around it. Use your frustration to know yourself better. Which part of your own self frustrates you? Then with all your might, let go of that part. Use your despair to develop into services for society. Get above your “self” that you give so much importance to, and get into things that are greater than “you”. The results of constructive thinking through destructive ones will amaze you, 10 out of 10 times.
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