About Belonging
There is pleasure and there is bliss. Forgo the first to possess the second.
~Buddha
All the aphorisms, philosophies, ideas revolve around the same aim: to make you more at peace with yourself, the world and the people in the world. I have come to one conclusion based on multiple theories: peace comes within you when what you want, what you need and what you chase are the same things.
In an increasingly connected world that is only making connections with ourselves, others and the natural world only worse, it is becoming confusing for most people to determine what they really want. Here is my action plan to help you with what could bring you peace:
- Make a list of what you want- from your job, from your partner, from your life in general. This should be based on your personal ideas and experiences, undeterred by outside influence. While some people want a job that guarantees more financial achievements, others want one that has more thrills. While some people want a partner with textbook ideas of romance, others want one who is highly ambitious.
- Remove things from the first list or at least reframe them if they do not align with your larger goals in life. Like if you want a job that involves a lot of travelling, you cannot have a partner that hates travelling.
- Get into the how of how you will achieve the goals. Make a list of what is required from you to achieve them.
What you must keep in mind while this exercise is that you cannot keep those things as your goals that do not align with your value system. If you do not buy the idea of casual relationships, never go for them. If you hate a desk job, try your best to get another one. If you are ambitious, delay your plans for a wedding. If you love travelling, do more things career wise and personally that take you to places across the globe.
The thing is that the world is becoming an increasingly complicated place. In relationships, men are lying more than ever, women feel more insecure than ever. As a woman(since I am one, I can only advice women), never let any guy who has presented his inauthentic self to you get too much access of you. In many jobs, they are valuing sycophants more than talented people. If you find yourself in such a workplace, do all that is takes to get out of there before it gets too late. If a friendship feels to heavy, it is time to let go of it gradually and politely. Do not drag things just because you are afraid of changes. You do not need someone who lies to you, you do not need a job that disrespects you. Changes in my life have yielded some of the best transformative results and changes in personality. So remove things from your life that do not fall into the first point enough. Only then the bliss Buddha has talked about can be there.
You have only one life, just this one. Make sure you make the most out of it. After all, peace comes within you when what you want, what you need and what you chase are the same things. You do not belong in every place, every job, every person you have conversed with. This is a fight about belonging. Go where you belong and go there unapologetically. This is your life, after all.
You may reach out to me at sdshivanidubey@gmail.com.
