A Dream Like This

Dear Nana (Maternal grandpa),

Here is a piece from my dream. It has one of my dreamy favourite days.

I would ring the doorbell of your apartment (Luckily, you live very near to my house) and enter with the serene sight of my smiling Nani (the Hindi form of maternal grandmother). Then the moment you would look at me, you would give me the widest smile and say loudly, “Aaie, Aaie, Padhaarie, Viraajie”. (The best kind of welcome possible in Hindi). Then you would look at me with gleaming eyes, give me all your undivided attention and let the television stay switched on, although not paying attention to it anymore.

You would ask me inquisitively how my trip to Japan had been, making it quite clear with your look that you want to know even the tiniest bits of that trip. I would start with memories I could recollect and tell you how different and unique Japanese culture is, the weather there and every novel experience I had there. You would ask Nani to bring eateries for me, as many as she can and in a manner not let her sit there for a long time because obviously you want most of the share of my time I spend at your place! I would be firstly confused between joining nani in the kitchen to help her or rather stay with you and talk, but I would look at your voluble gleaming eyes and choose the latter. We would talk for a long period of time, and time would surely fly sooner than we realise. Then sometimes, driven by the love you and nani shower on me, I would decide to stay overnight. In the night, you would make sure I have the best sleep, like I was still a little baby, needing a lot of attention. In the morning you would wake up at 4:00 am sharp, I would look at you with sleepy eyes and wonder how you manage to have the same routine for as many years as I have known you. I would also wake up with you and after a cup of morning tea, we would go for a morning walk, one of those things that made me extremely happy. On the way to a temple, we would meet many faces, most of them unknown to me, but I notice all of them smiling at you and you at them, as if you’ve known them for ages. I would ask you how you know them and you would smile and say, “I only know most of them because we meet daily during morning walks”. Having reached the temple, you would start your prayers, and shower on the shivalinga, the flowers and grass we collected on our way. After our prayers, we would come back to your home and after spending some more time there, I would say I should leave for mine as my college reopens soon and I need to pack and all. You would turn a little sad, then force a smile on your face and say, “Come once more before leaving”. I would leave, but not immediately because nani would collect and give as many things as possible for her to carry with me as a gift.

Now, all of this is just a dream because you are not in this world anymore, nana. It’s hard to tell what I miss the most about you. Is it your very loud laughter? Or is it your gleaming eyes when you looked at me? Or is it the skill of high order organisation that you had in you which I have inherited as it is? Or is the interest you showed in our conversations making me want to share even more, because it’s rare to find someone who genuinely wants to listen?

They say when people go away, they stay in the heart forever. But, this thing, only the philosopher in me understands. The child in me still wishes to ask you all about the tales of Mahabharat and Ramayan. The child in me still craves for your pat on my back whenever I achieve something good. I remember vividly how you said to nani, “Hum log aur boodhe ho jaaenge to koi apne ghar me nahi rakhega, to hum Shivani ke ghar me rahenge. Mujhe pata hai wo zaroor rakhegi.” (When we would get very old, no one would want us in their house, then we would live at Shivani’s home. I know she will keep us) and I hate unfinished plans. A lot of plans with you stay unfinished.

I am quite sure of not finding another house which greets me with the kind of love you and nani showered upon me and of meeting someone who would be highly inquisitive to know what all is going in my life currently.

But then, you also taught me to never be upset for a long time due of anything because it is all God’s plan and we should meet every day with the same zeal, zest and zing. A large part of that energy I have in me to keep me going with a fervent attitude, without complaining, I owe to you.

Truly yours,

Shivani Beta